I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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