you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
