Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
