last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
