I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
