Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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