Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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