I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
