omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
