It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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