You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it hurts more in the daytime
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
