bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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