So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
