those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
