The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
