I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
