Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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