can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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