I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
