Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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