why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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