You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
