imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
