tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
