I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
