I got chris browned last night
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
