The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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