Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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