new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
