just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
