I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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