Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
