i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
