Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
