i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
