im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
