My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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