Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
