Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
