uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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