You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
