Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
