I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
