The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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