Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
