this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
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