I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
