The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
