guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
