Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
