Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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