Swine flu. Run for my life!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
