Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize