everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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