i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
