so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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